I lost......to myself

I went for the selection today. I went there without expectation, just to see where i am. When we did a round-robin (means A fights B, B fights C and C fights A), i did quite well i suppose. Well not as in i beat my opponents, but more of i did good. I actually felt i improved. So i was relatively happy of my improvement and didnt think much of the selection results, until. Until i was called for another round-robin, meaning i ACTUALLY have a chance to get into the team. Cos they are actually giving me a second chance to consider me and 3 other guys. Which later i found out, they would be picking 2 out of these 4. But thats where the sad part comes.

I did not do my best. I was too anxious, i paniced (MORE then the first Round-Robin) and worried about my physical fitness( thanks to 4 months of no exercise). Thus, i begin to try to conserve my energy, and started losing spirit, focus, alertness and aggressiveness in my movements. Basically i did bad. Sigh.. the first move and i BLOCKED! WAT KINDA CRAP was THAT?!

I wont say i am not disappointed about not being picked (although i think it could have been a good thing actually, cos i wont have been confident about my standards at the point in time) But i was WAY WAY more pissed with my inability of staying focused, remain calm and maintain my aggressiveness. Sigh... just one of those things i feel like banging my head on the wall for....

Didnt progress too much for my thesis too. Had a spliting headache ever since i returned to my lab after the selection. >_<

Sigh.....