Age, Old, Death....

The fear of death has always been one of man's greatest fear. However, the anticipation of death, is just as fearful. To fear the fear of death itself. I have heard of many old people, when reached an age beyond 80, maybe even 70, begin to worry and suffer from depression. Thinking themselves useless, a burden, ugly, etc, etc. What ever it may be, they become loss and lose meaning in their life. Like one of my granddad. He is perfectly health, relatively fit, a little absent minded, but besides that, theres absolutely nothing wrong with him. Only thing is that he has this depression as mentioned above. He locks himself in his home, refusing to go out, refusing to face the world, with tons of reasons. We literally have to DRAG him out to attend family gahterings in one of our homes.

On the other hand, my other granddad, when he was around, had suffered from a stroke, half his body isn't really functioning properly. In everyway, he should have been in a worse situation than my other granddad, but it turns out to be the other way around. He is one STUBBON old man! he refuses to sits still after his stroke. Trying every means and ways to move again. Once when he got slightly better, he actually grab the car keys, and sneak out of the house and DROVE! a 90 year-old guy who has suffered a stroke, driving around. Fortunately, the traffic police noticed him and escorted him back. Although it is a very foolish act, and kids out there shouldn't try this at home, but I kinda respect his stubboness, will and determination. He fought! He is a FIGHTER! He is the kind of old man i wanna grow up into. Never giving up. Never throw in the towel. Rather than to fear death, i think death really feared him. Too bad I didn;t really had the chance to know him.

But sometimes, u really wonder if you will become like my first mentioned granddad. The fear of FEAR itself, is scarey enough. This sometimes send you into a short dip of depression. The fear of what is yet to come. Usually people snap out of it. But for the weak, it does take time, to realise, but then again......what if you don't. "What if"....... are words that could send someone's life into c

OVERAGE

Sigh, I have been disqualified from next year's Singapore Kendo Youth Tournament.....because I am OVERAGE!!!!! 26 is still considered youth right? .................right?

I was really looking forward to it. Although there is 4 tournaments a year in Singapore (Youth Tournament, East-West Tournament, Singapore Nationals and the Lim Kwa Chwee Memorial Tournament ) but the youth tournament holds great meaning for me. It was the first ever tournament i have ever joined, and also the tournament i have never got a point from. It is like a benchmark for me to test my skills. It has been an obstacle in my pursue of kendo and also a form of target and motivation to overcome it. Not to mention that, it is also the only tournament which we have the oppourtunity to compete in teams representing our own club. It has always been my fuel and motivation to try to get back in shape (after my foot injury and dengue fever) in kendo. But now, studdenly, i feel lost. like a kite cut off its string. Lost....

Initially i was frustrated (being the usual hot-headed me), my brain knows that no one is to blame as this is regulations, but my heart unaviodably falls into depression. Luckily, i've decided to swim this afternoon, and after a good 20 laps, it gave me time to clear my head and think though the issue, my aim, my kendo, my life. Its something like what Christians have in their quiet time. When they read the bible and think, analyse, reflect and understand. Its really great. Sometimes, we live our lives (especially Singaporeans) in such a rush, we miss out the smaller, more important things in life. There must be always time set aside for reflection. Or else we will be no better then machines.

As of now, i have accepted the offer of being one of the tournaments of the Youth tournament next year. I think it is also a way to return what NUS kendo have given me, in my last year in NUS. Also , i will train hard to be able to be of contribution to help train the NUS 2nd men's team. Cos, i was in the 2nd team for the past 2 yrs of youth tournaments. And anyway, there are 2 national team members helping out the first team. Don't think i could contribute more:) But i do hope NUS kendo will be able to maintain it's standard as 2 of our best fighters have graduated. No matter what, i will never give up kendo :)

Movie Sunday

Oh man! just watched Matrix Revolution yesterday.... THE ENDING SUCKS....there is just no climax at the end..
hate this kinda shows. its like all the fast chases and fighting scenes in the middle of the show hypes u up for the grand finale. And.......'huh?' its over? wat the !@#^!@#$@#%! Within Minutes after walking out of the cinema, i totally forgot what happened in the end of the show. My brain just automatically EJECTS all that waste of space information! Sigh, so it seems like as long as you make a good movie, then u should make it into a trilogy. Cause even the masses will think the second one is good, so they foolishly waste their money on the 2nd installment. But even if it sucks, they will find it hard to overcome the urge to watch the 3rd and final installment because it'll be such a waste if u watch it half way. So BINGO! oen good movie is equals to 3 good earning in the movie world! Luckily, infernal affairs (Hong Kong Police/Gangster movie has a better episode 2 then 1, although i am pinning too high hopes on the 3rd installment as Leon Lai is acting in it, YUlk:P)

But i AM really craving for the next coming movie, THE LAST SAMURAI! by tom cruise. i'm not a great fan of his, but I am a great fan of the warriors code a.k.a. Bushido (the way of the warrior). Call me a samurai fanatic, call me a nut case. I don't care:)

Heh, Tom cruise! u better not mess it up man!
And the Director/Writer/Producer, Edward Zwick, I AM WATCHING!!!!!!!! but he DID received his first Academy Award as a producer for 1999's Best Picture Shakespeare in Love.........so i guess it SHOULD be safe...
for his sake..:P

Near Death Experience

Yesterday i had kendo training. And during one of the Keiko sessions (free sparing), a bad habit of mine almost cost me my life. In kendo, one of the four areas of attack is the neck. Where a trust is used to obtain this point. Thus, there is this flap kinda thing that protects your neck. So if your head is tilted upwards, the flap would be tilted upwards as well, exposing your throat. So yesterday, i was up to my bad habits as i tried to reach further while executing a cut to my opponent's head. At one of these moments, my opponent wanted to scare me off with a thrust to my throat. And it DID! resulting my collapsing to the floor and coughing like hell, feeling as though something has pierced through my neck. I forced myself to continue training, thinking it shouldn’t be that big a deal although it hurt like hell. And also, its very disrespectful and not to mention depriving your opponent of practice if one leaves training half-way. After training, when i took off my Bougu (Armour) I realized it worse then i thought. There was a 4 inch long red mark on my neck, with a width of about 1 inch. It is bad, but i realized if it has hit just 1 inch higher, i could have been dead. Because the thrust landed on the bone in-between my collar bone, and got deflected in an angle to the side. If it was any higher, it would have thrust straight into the soft spot below my adam’s apple and into my wind-pipe. Possibly causing much greater pain and even killing me.

All this just because I didn’t kick a bad habit. I KNOW that I have this habit, and should correct it. But I didn’t. And it almost cost me my life. Some may be able to just brush the incident side, but I think I can’t. Not that I will forever dwell in this, but it has launched me into some serious thought again, about my kendo, my attitude and my life. This is because I treasure my life. And what I can do with it.