Interesting quotes from a newspaper's Sunday column.
"Over lunch with a businessman in his 50's, who travels extensively and has a wide network of friends and associates, men and women, I asked how realistic it was for a woman to expect her husband to be faithful. Pause, and then :"Unrealistic"
Smart young man, in his 20's: "Monogamy is a social construct. Men are biologically made to stray. But the restraints of society and religion may make some faithful."
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A candid comment from a bachelor: "Men have millions of sperms, and women have only one egg at a time., So nature intended men to be polygamous."
Evolutionary biologist in fact support this view and make a case for a biological difference that explains why men stray more.
They say men are prone to sexual straying because men can father offspring with multiple sex partners. This way, they spread their genes far and wide, without having the responsibility to care for their offspring.
In contrast, a woman who gets pregnant, can carry only one child at a time. She also needs the mate to provide for the child. Thus biological make-up, and the pressure to keep the mate, act as constraints on female infidelity.
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Many women are brought up to think that marriage means happily ever after. They may think, in the abstract, that other men may stray, but not their own darling who loves them so much.
They under-estimate the discipline and commitment required to remain monogamous in today's modern society, when sexual attraction is the undercurrent in many a relationship, the sec act has been denuded of love and commitment, and religious and moral strictures are cast adrift.
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My retort to this is simple: Biology need not be destiny.
My own views is that both sexes have the capacity to be faithful - or unfaithful.
Perhaps men are biologically more primed to do so. It is certainly socially more acceptable for men to stay than for women. The male philanderer is viewed with tolerance, even respect, as a stud; the female philanderer is viewed with contempt as a slut.
Whether from biological or social imperatives, the result is that more women try harder to be faithful to their mates, and more succeed. Men try less hard, and more fail.
This should not be an excuse for either sex to give up. human beings are volitional creatures: We have the power of choice. We can choose to surrender to impulse and instinct and live at that primordial level - or we can choose to honour the tenets of a humane society and the marital vow.
In the end, the biggest constraints on infidelity have to be love and commitment and the desire to protect the sanctity of an exclusive, committed relationship.
Mature love requires self-restraint and sacrifice - values so out of vogue in today's society, yet so central to maintaining a loving relationship.
A man who strays, knowingly hurts his wife - and vice versa."
For the full article, check out page 10 : Reflect, of the Sunday's paper.
I agree to most of what the article says. Does a man, or a woman really want their marriage to fail? No, I don't think so. Ironically, instead of helping each other out, they put them to the test. Some women expect the men to please and pamper them while they do nothing, and expect the men not to stray (Note: Men not equals to dogs). Whereas some men just don't treasure what they have until they have lost them (Note: Women not equals accessories).
She: "How dare he not pamper me and treat me like a princess and do what I want him to do? And now he cheats on me?! How dare he?!!"
He: "Why cant she be less demanding and more fun to be with, like when we were dating?"
Well, it takes 2 hands to clap. Many of us forget.
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